To make a pinkie promise or to pinky swear, is the entwining of the little fingers (“pinkies”) of two people to signify that a promise has been made (sealing a promise). It’s been said that this is most common among school-age children and close friends.
I’ve both seen and heard many horror stories of the parent-child interaction inside grocery markets and gift shops. As my toddler daughter is growing more and more into a small human being (with her own set of attitudes, emotions and preferences) and becoming more physically able, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to best avoid or minimize such stressful situations.
My Old Strategy
While inside a store, I’ve noticed that my daughter loves being useful. She sees her mama and baba getting items off the shelves and putting them inside the shopping cart and she wants to do the same thing. She also likes to take charge of the shopping cart, too, by attempting to maneuver and push it with her small body.
One effective strategy I’ve been using to distract her and keep her hands full is giving her couple light items to hold onto. Her responsibility is to safeguard those items until we’re ready to checkout. I also emphasize to her the greatness of her responsibility. Taking this extra step makes me feel super big and important!
The Melt Down Happened
This strategy doesn’t always work. Ruby gets distracted sometimes. She knows what she likes and she grabs those items that are within her reach.
During one trip to the grocery store, Ruby took hold of a bag of small avocados and then later she proceeded to grab hold of a pack of wet wipes. We didn’t need to buy either one of the items she picked out.
As my husband and I tried to take those items off Ruby’s hands, Ruby resisted and tried to run away! She’s a very fast runner. When my husband chased after her, our daughter started getting very excited and making a bunch of attention-grabbing sounds. At the end, my husband and I had to force the items off Ruby’s hands. She screamed and cried while on our way to the cashier. We all felt bad. I had to take Ruby out of the store, leaving my husband to finish the checkout.
The Pinky Promise Show
Few days later, I was watching a kids show (in Chinese) on YouTube with Ruby. Part of the show was on the pinky-promise. That segment showed a parent and child making a pinky-promise before they enter the grocery store.
At one instance, the father and preschooler sealed a promise that the child could only buy one item during that trip to the store. Once inside the store, the preschooler asked the father if he could have two items. When the father reminder his child of the sealed promise, the preschooler voluntarily put down one of the items from his hands. No whining, struggles or tears involved!
In another instance, the mother and preschool sealed a promise (prior to entering the store) that the child will not be buying anything at the store during this trip. While inside the store, the preschooler asked the mother if he could buy something. The preschool asked three times throughout the trip and each time the mother reminded her child of the pinky promise they made. Once again, each time there was no whining, struggle or tears involved.
I was fascinated by that scene. Being that it was a broadcasted show, I understood that many factors were being controlled and the acts were probably practiced many times. However, I wanted to believe in the superpower of the pinky promise.
When I looked over to my daughter, she was fully engaged with the show. I decided to replay that segment of the show once more. This time, I took pauses throughout the segments and explained to Ruby what had happened. I got very excited when she started talking, too. Although I couldn’t make out every word she spoke, I had the feeling that she was sharing her thoughts about the segment with me. Her voice and face got very expressive. She even used hand gestures as she spoke. I had the feeling that she understood the messages.
Pinky Promise in Action
The following day, I decided to have Ruby apply what we’ve learned from the previous day. We visited a grocery store. Prior to entering the store, I made a pinky-promise with Ruby that she was only allowed to buy one item from the store that time.
Once inside the store, I purposely brought her to the dairy section where there were plenty of cheeses and yogurts. These were (and still are) two of her favorite food for a while. As expected, Ruby behaved as if she was in dairy heaven as soon as she spotted the cheeses and yogurts (I invite you to watch a video of her and her love for cheese here).
Pretty soon, she filled her little arms with containers of yogurts and packs of cheeses. She turned toward me with this huge smile on her face, saying, “cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!”, meanwhile, unloading her items onto the shopping basket that was sitting on the ground.
I kneed down next to her level, took hold both of her hands (to get her attention) and made eye contact with her. I, then, proceeded to remind her of the pinky-swear we did prior to entering the store.
From her facial expression, I could tell Ruby understood the promise I was referencing to. She pouted, but then recovered from it quickly. Then, she shifted her focus on the items inside the basket and picked out a container of yogurt. “This one! This one!”, she said in Mandarin. And just like that, together, she and I put the other items back in the shelves.
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I’ve tried this pinky-promise method with my daughter while inside gift shops, too. Ruby loves soft animals. Every time we go inside a gift shop, she goes for them. When I look over at her, she would have four or five soft animals in her arms. Sometimes, we leave the store with one and other times we leave empty handed. She appears to be fine either way. The result has been incredulous! That’s it? It’s really just this easy? I keep thinking how lucky a parent I’m.
I encourage you to give the pinky-promise method a try. Before putting this method into action, take the time to help your child understand the context that it’s being used. Make a game out of it. Each time I do a pinky-swear with my daughter, I feel as if she and I are forming a new special bond.
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